As the virus slowly killed 0.0003% of their populations, governments of the world decided to fight the virus head on. They had been through several pandemics before, with diseases that were far more virulent and deadly, and had crafted concise, detailed plans to deal with any eventuality.
But fuck that, they decided, and made something up on the spot. Legend has it that the old United Kingdom trusted a sage that is only known as ‘Professor Lockdown’, which was a strange family name, but apparently he had predicted half a million people would be dead by the end of 2020.
He used some dodgy old programming code with his own number generator that had one fatal flaw – it didn’t factor in academics visiting their mistresses in the middle of lockdown.
While he got the number of deaths completely wrong, the media did manage to write 500,000 articles with his name in it, which seemed to be the ultimate objective.
The government response can be divided into 3 attempts at controlling nature: Masks, Lockdown, Vaccines